Inwards, Outwards & Sideways

Yesterday, we discussed 26/11 again, what went wrong, who we could blame. The shitty conduct of the 24 hr media channels was of course one of the prime culprits besides Vilas, his beta, Ramu, Patil- RR and Shivraj, Simi & SIMI, everybody.
But still the anger remains. What do you do, what do we all do to make a difference. This time i won't take it lying down. Enough is enough. fUCK politicians, screw the media, bomb the arse out of those bloody Pakis, Muslims should be educated. I have heard everything, --and frankly im pissed and tired. Not of the zillionth argument that all of us make to find a solution. But maybe because I fail to look inwards. and Outwards and then Sideways.
The tragedy in its wake exposed our intelligence failures, incompetence of the political classes, and more importantly our vulnerability- the idea, no the possibility that it can all get over in a snap second. But it also unleashed my inner demons.
The sight of the 'deferred live' pics of the NSG commandos landing on the roof of Nariman House not just a rescue attempt. Nor was it just a daring raid. This was also jingoistic India's giant erection. India does a Israeli-like rescue attempt, hard-hitting, the terrorists are going to be flushed out. MP 5 sub- machine guns and Kevlar vests give everybody a fucking, raging hard on.
Marcos behind black cloths - in pressers, stammering away to 15 seconds of prime time was more than a debrief to the nation, it was a show of strength, my country's bulging BICEP. The pyres of the soldiers were still warm when hundreds of young men and women swore to avenge the attack. Snap ties with Pakistan, bomb the terrorist hideouts in POK (dare i say Azaad Kashmir) with the precision laser guided missiles, finish them off, get the job done. You know my army, navy and air force is packed with the latest Israeli, American, Russian instruments of Coercion. We are the Lords Of War, Aren't we?
I look inside, at the seething monster, who will rape and pillage in the name of vengeance. I will do something about it, no eye of an eye- two , a jaw for a tooth. The anger rages on when i see the bastards in white and bandhgalas. I hit out rather rabidly when someone says India is weak.
Ill fuck their happiness, I'll teach you how to drop bombs. For years, I kept quiEt, not anymore.
It does not matter if they have nukes, so have we. You 'll destroy what one city, two at the most. Ill wipe you out. I'll become death himself, as Oppenheimer became, or was it Krishna Arjun in the Gita. I don't give a shit. I won't keep quiet. Something has to be done. Why not bomb the Jhandewalan and Ashoka Road by the way with those Trishuls or the Baraks for a change?
Of course I was n't around when Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened. Devastation is relative, another reality left for perception. So what if we are all brothers, human beings and joined to the hip with desires to survive, prosper, fuck well. I must do something.
I look Outward. All I see is failure of everybody. The rot outside. The poor memory of the public. The worms that are politicians, the virus that is democracy. I reject these. Those who kill dont deserve freedom of speech, or right to trials. Of course the insanity of manslaughter should be reciprocated by denying those very empowering instruments. Kasab, you can find your own lawyer---cos we fail this flailing system too when we dont give u a fair trial.
Of course the murders and rapes of the armed forces in Kashmir, Sri Lanka is just collateral, a price that weaklings have to pay. Oh lets not forget the coppery. Does the loss of few good men make us trust the police?
I look inside again- what am i complaining about. The bravery of Karkare or the Cowardice of Modi. The dicks that the Patils are or the stoic families who waited and waited for any information to come their way. Or the senior editor who in the line of fire was doing his/her best to keep that piece to camera going or the lazy ass ticker on a business channel which said "Mumbai attacks----if anything is a good time to buy"
Is Mumbai an excuse for the sleeping middle classes to wake up to the reality of living in fear of terror. Citizen activism three weeks after has not just become remembrance but an outlet for the monster within. Or has it? The lack of community action was a matter of deep anguish for activists, there you have it. Or is it because icons like the Taj, Oberoi were attacked. After all we must do something.
I look sideways at the Dargah, the refugee camp at Majnu Ka Tila, the Jama Masjid, Sher Shah Suri's ruins. Everyday that passes by without a Molotov Cocktail thrown in Gujarat, Daggers and swords drawn in Bhagalpur, Meerut, Malegaon is a victory for the system on its last legs. The Phoolwalon Ki Sair which i forgot about, the Khusrawi quaawali on Thursay nights, the lights by the Gurudwara and chanting at monasteries, the food at Tee Dee's, and at Ghalibs- My democracy. I forgot about Ashoka and Akbar, of the love of the Gandhis- Mahatma and Frontier.
I look sideways at my brother who could have been working the night shift at the Oberoi, my friends - war mongers and pacifists. Being blind would have been better. I wonder.